She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my poor anus
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
