You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
