woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
