After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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