Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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