don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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