Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
