I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
