Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
