Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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