Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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