No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
