Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
