Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
