You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
