I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
