Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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