I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
