i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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