I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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