there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
