broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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