So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
