look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
