I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
