Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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