explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
