who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
