dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
