you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
