Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
