I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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