I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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