Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
