I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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