I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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