He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
