i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
