so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
