and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
