okay pat passed out under dana's car
My pussy is not your playground.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
