areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
