did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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