is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
