i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
