someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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