Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
