Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
