Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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