No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
