3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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