She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
