I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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