was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
